seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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