I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
