It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
