I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
