Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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