the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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