FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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