So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
