I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
