I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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