Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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