I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
