there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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