My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
