You smell like a Billy Joel song
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
