theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
