my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
