hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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