guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i already hear my dad disowning me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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