He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
