The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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