I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
