Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
please don't ironically join a cult
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