I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just threw up on my dentist
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
