I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize