i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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