I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
