Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
