I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just tell him i said nine months
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
