I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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