I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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