I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
