3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
