she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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