May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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