I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
