Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
