I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you didnt know i had herpes?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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