Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
