Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
