areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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