Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
