Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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