Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
