wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
