She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
