I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
