I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
