party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
