i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
