i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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