the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
