Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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