Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
