haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm at about main and main street
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
