that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
