I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
