The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
