ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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