I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
