3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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