i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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