I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
