Your mouth is God's brothel.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
