U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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